Nutty

Subject:	Life goes on...
Time:	1:02 pm.
Mood:	crazy.

So here I am once again...pounding the heck outta this poor ole' journal and who really gives a sh*t? I could just as easily talk to myself and have my voice disappear in the twinkling of an eye - but what am I doing? *nods* Yes, that's right...I'm recording my puerile, pathetic thoughts right here in this weird place and why am I doing that? Hah! That's easy. I'm doing it so one day I can come back and read all the stupid things I wrote; all the times I tried to share my inner soul and hopefully I'll be able to laugh at myself for being so crazy, so vulnerable, so weak and so utterly pathetic!

Because you have to know that trying to please everyone all of the time is probably the oldest, and stupidest thing of all! Right? So why do I keep on trying to do just this? Why do I give my heart and soul to my job knowing that my boss is just gonna kick sand in my face and take even more for granted? And why do I allow myself to be a workaholic when I know it's gonna drive my husband round the bend and up the wall, causing massive rows that my befuddled brain just can't cope with anymore?

More importantly, why do I agree with everything my family says or does, even when I know they're wrong? Why do I allow them to belittle me and make me feel so insignificant I end up just wanting to crawl under the nearest rock and hibernate for eternity? And why, in whatever conflict I happen to be involved, do I see myself as the individual in the wrong? The one who made the mess and is therefore responsible for clearing it up - no matter what the emotional and mental cost?

Am I that worthless? That pathetic? That stupid? Makes ya wonder, huh?

So I look at life...the people around me...people I see at bus stops, train stations and in cafés and I wonder about their lives all the time. Are they anything like me at all? Do they think like I do? Or am I the only weirdo? I guess the only consolation is that this world surely cannot survive for much longer - the increase in natural disasters, man-made ones and general chaos is surely a sign that our days are numbered and that the countdown is speeding towards zero.

The way I see it, humanity is on the brink of self-destruct and the only question which remains is...will I go before we destroy ourselves? Or will I be part of that self-destruction? See it to it's bitter end?

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